Ethical Aspects of Animal Husbandry

Lest you think I am moving my work into some sort of biological anthropological studies - the title of this post is the name of my new story collection.

The full title is:

Ethical Aspects of Animal Husbandry and Other Tales of General Weirdness

Whew.

This collection contains my darker, quirkier, black humour filled stories (wait, isn't that all my work? Well, not quite).

Here on the blog I will be posting excerpts of some of the stories, leading up to the release date in early summer.

This is the beginning of the title story:

Ethical Aspects of Animal Husbandry

Simon clenched his hand into a clay fist, his eyes became cobra-slits, his stance radiated violence. Still, he wondered, was it enough to stop his ex-neighbour dead? He thought what he always thought. There is the reason that bitch got pregnant. He only knew him, because of the moonscape across his mug, as Pusface. It had been three years since he lived down the street. The ex-neighbour brushed past Simon without recognition.

Simon jammed the fist into a pocket ripping a seam.

"Oh that's frickin' great." He looked back to see if his comment was heard, but the sidewalk was empty. "Oh sure, duck and run, Mr. Impregnator…Pusface…whatever your name is – I know where you frickin' live."

Simon did know where he lived. He walked past there everyday on his way to the gym.

#    #    #

When Mr. Pusface first moved off his street, Simon absorbed a weird sort of pride, like he was responsible for the neighbourhood jettison. He certainly had glared at the guy, and he had told anyone who would listen the nature of Pusface's crime.

"Don't be silly," Mary told him. "I heard he got transferred and c'mon, Simon, you barely talked to the guy. Except for that day."

"Who transfers grocery boys?"

"I think he's more than that. Some sort of produce manager or something."

"Look at the guy, what is he one-twenty, one-thirty soaking wet? He couldn't lift a frickin' cabbage! I could press him without a spotter."

"Don't hold such a grudge. I'm sure he's forgotten all about it by now." Mary stroked his cheek.

"Well I sure as frickin' haven't."

How do you forget that? It's the kind of thing that sticks with you, especially when it affects your bank account.

#    #    #

Mary had wanted a dog for a long time. She grew up with dogs in the country, big shaggy collies and shiny black labs, real dogs – that's what Simon called them.

"So what the heck do these little French things look like? Some sort of poodle thing? I hate poodles – saw them in a circus once when I was a kid. Dumbest thing I ever saw – big poofs on their head, riding tricycles. Can you imagine? Who puts a dog on a bike?"

George Saunders. Time Mag. Uh-huh.

Named on the most influencial on Time magazine's top 100 list for 2013.

Nothing to add.

George Saunders

Obviously influencing a lot more people than me.

Dormancy and all that crap... oh, and George Saunders, too.

Don't you hate posts that begin with the whole, sorry I haven't posted lately, too busy, uninspired, all that sort of crap - well, fuck it and here we go.

There was a time when it seemed like every other post was about George Saunders - and I could go there again, don't tempt me - but man, the guy can just write the pants off anyone. His latest Tenth of December pretty much blew the back of my head off. I tweeted, or facebooked, or something, about this funny moment at the University where I work. One morning, the philosophy prof. came into my office.

The convo went something like this:

"George Saunders!" he said.

"I know." I said.

"George Saunders!!!" he repeated.

"Yeah. I know. Fuck."

"Fuck."

"Tenth of December, I just read it. Damn." he said.

"I know."

This might have not been the verbatim exchange, but pretty close. He knew I read a lot (we swapped some books, and I took his Philosophy class last semester), but he'd never heard of this guy. He'd listened to the PBS interview, and figured Saunders had to be one of the better humans on the planet. So he went out and got the latest book. I told him i'd been reading him for a while, and he should check out Civilwarland in Bad Decline next. And that I'd be happy to lend him a copy. Nope, he said, this is the sort of book I need on my shelf.

Anyway - after reading a lot of okay books lately, some kind of crappy ones, and some horrible ones that i quit a third of the way in (Scandinavian crime fiction, anyone?), it was transforming to read Saunders again. He's been doing a lot of press, and finds himself on the besteller list - I think for the first time. But the way he talks about fiction is so humble, true and full of beauty - just like his work. He did an interview for CBC's Writer and Company where he talked about everything, life, death, religion, sexy nuns, and eventually got around to talking about the latest book. But he's a guy that will take 12 year to write a story (Semplica Girl Diaries), so he's in no hurry.

The kicker for me and the reason I'm back at the blog, is by the end of the last story (the title one), I was weeping. And I realized that not only do I need to dig back into writing - I want to re-examine what I have been writing. It sounds hokey, but that is why I used the transforming modifier. Tenth of December makes me want to write... really well. To pursue beauty and truth, in my writing - as incredibly difficult as that is, I need to begin. Again.

Wish me luck.

Oh, and I guess I should have called this "kicked out of dormancy."

17 for 24

I went 17 for 24 with my picks this year. I knew it was dicey on the supporting actor and the animated film (missed them both) - but damn, Ang Lee was the one that surprised me.

I did get the Four-Pete on the Oscar pool - but I had to split it with another good guesser. I'm thinking of sending a cranky letter to the Academy. Or, hell, maybe Ang Lee! How dare he win. (Though, I was kinda glad he did.)

Until next year.

Get out my gown!

Time for the Oscars, and my annual picks. Now, I do admit, I have one the pool the last three years in a row - much to the grumpy chagrins of my fellow party goers. And I enjoy the coffee money, and the 15 minutes of fame.

But will this be the year for a four-pete? Quad-pete? Forpete?

We will see.

Here's my picks as I recall them - 

Best Pic: Argo 

Director: Spielberg

Actor: Day Lewis (duh)

Actress: Lawrence (double-duh)

Supporting Actor: Tommy Lee Jones (this one is tight, Waltz might get it)

Supporting Actress: Hathaway (triple-duh... seems like there are a lot of faves this year)

Adapted Screenplay: Argo

Original Screenplay: Tarantino for Django (but Moonrise Kingdom should have got it)

Film Editing: Argo (I actually really like this category - best pic often wins it, too)

Foreign: Amour (I mean, what else)

Animated: Wreck-it-Ralph (tough to call - could be Brave, but I liked Ralph better)

The guess categories:

Documentary Long: Sugarman (heard it is amazing... still have not seen it)

Doc Short: Open Heart (a guess... with help of Huffington post, I admit)

Cinematography: Life of Pi

Soundrack: Pi

Song: Skyfall (pretty cool song by that Adele woman... I heard she is good)

Short Film Animated: Paperman (only one I saw)

Short Film Live: Curfew (total guess - but help from Huffington)

Production Design: Les Mis

Costume: Anna Karenina

Makeup - Hobbit

Special Effects - Pi

Sound Mixing - Les Mis

Sound Editing - Argo

So tune in tomorrow - I'll let you know how I did. Most of my guesses go along with Huffington Post predictions, but as said, this year there seems to be a lot of sure bets. I'd love some upsets.